expedition I left England, crossing the Atlantic on a survey expedition headed by Mr. Falke, who had me in magnetic bondage. I had no choice but to follow him wherever he went, and to render the services he required. After three weeks we hit Havana. From there we continued to New Orleans, where we left our ship and started up the great river by paddleboat. We went as far as Omaha in that way. At that dusty but brave-spirited town we were questioned by local deities, and though they were suspicious of our foreign habits, they eventually agreed to sell us a few horses. From there we followed a long trail across no place at all, nothing but wave after wave of hills, tall dry grass, scattered bushes and an occasional stand of stunted trees. Every once in a while our band would stop for ice cream, which we could skim off the tops of the creeks, or apple pie, which grew on the sides of rocks. Though I swore I would never tell anyone about this, there were times when we would all take our tops off and dance. This was usually followed by touch football. By the time we got to Salt Lake Garrison we were too tired to go on. Our group voted to drop the original objective, sell our survey equipment and use the money to buy a variety of wives, which we would share among us. We resolved to blend our genetic stock completely with the people there, whose moral fiber was outstanding and would complement our own eager blood. Once the vote was taken, Mr. Falke was dismissed from our company by lynching. Two impressionable young men from our group chose to die with him. Once his flesh was cold, my magnetic bond to him of course vanished, after which I could see that I had been brought there against my will and that I wished to return to England. I left the expedition in late summer. After several days I came to a trappers' cabin at the edge of the frontier, and they took me down the great river on a raft piled with skins. On the way I accepted the faith of my companions, and was pushed under the surface of the water so I could rise a new man. I did this so that there would be a public record of my situation at the time. Just one week later British agents picked me up in Kansas City, and I was brought back to England in chains, under suspicion of treason.
	location: Berkeley, California date: Winter 1984–1985 average rating: [not rated] your rating (0-10):