unbridged chasm I want this country to collapse, from inside and outside pressures, within my lifetime. I want Western culture to be reduced to helplessness, rendered infirm through its own internal schism: paranoia, schizophrenia, narcissism. My immediate circumstances place me across a widening unbridged chasm from what I sense is ultimately possible. This is the ideal context for the introduction of religiosity, though religiosity will only broaden the chasm unless it takes the form of a total reliance on the senses. How much more bullshit will I have to put up with? Will my experience be the accumulation of barriers and defenses until I am closed in by my own walls? It will be if I take the combatative, argumentative approach, or if I am beaten back into that position through a series of self-perceived defeats. I don't know how to avoid feeling defeated, except to disassociate myself from the results of my actions. That's what I've been doing for a while now, and it is ending in narcissism, in seeing everything as an extension of the self. I want to be the center of attention and approval. As a result, I've gotten increasingly demanding and egocentric, as well as tired and depressed.
	location: Berkeley, California date: March 25, 1985 average rating: [not rated] your rating (0-10):